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The WOH vacations!

The yet-to-be-published Thai WOH-code says ‘ I am entitled to flying back home or using that as a reason to be absent from work for a sum of 2–3 months per year or 6 months depending upon the nature of work or payment at my employer with upto 0 months notice depending upon mine and employers luck!’ .. and it is followed to the T!!

Once you get such a trailer, and believe me everyone of my kind will get it at least once in a lifetime — you should be sure that it definitely is a thriller — comedy or tragedy you will never find out!! Whatever the climax is — most of us find ourselves back in the vicious dating circle — blind dates, likes and dislikes, gives and takes, sacrifices and eventually either we could engage the so-called perfect-for-me WOH or breakup!!

Well there is another kind of thrill too. One sunny day, you are surprised when your mobile flashes a long lost acquaintance’s call — and deep down inside you know that at some point in the conversation it’s destined to happen — yet you put all your skills at stake to avoid the inevitable “tumhari WOH kaisi hai? tum to lucky ho yaar itani achhi mil gayi tumhe .. mere liye bhi dhund do yaar” and … it’s jinxed !

While the second kind (of thrill) was a frequent occurrence the first kind has happened only twice with me !!

The very first time, While I did get the notice well in advance — by advance I mean 15 days .. her replacement and the KT was as per the norm — 2 hrs!!

“Bhabhi Maine dhundi hai na .. achhi hai Wo .. sab aata hai usko”

“Lekin ye to Bol rahi hai roti nahi banayi kabhi … “

“Haan bass Wo nahi aata .. baaki sab aata hai “

“Ye Kya baat hui .. tumhe to time hai na jaane me .. jab tak koi achhi nahi milti tum aajao yaar .. meri bahut problem ho rahi hai”

“Bhabhi main to nahi aa sakti na .. mujhe shopping karni hai sabke liye .. itane log hai mere ghar Burma me.. khaali haath kaise jaa sakte hai .. sabke liye shopping karna hai .. mummy hai bhai hai Bhabhi hai unke bachhe .. aur main to sabse badi hu na .. mujhe to teeka karna padega na to aise kaise khaali haath jaau Bhabhi … “

“To kisi aur ko bhej do mere ghar .. “

“Abhi to koi nahi hai Bhabhi .. bass wohi ek kaam dhund rahi thi .. “

“Tum kab aajaogi waapis? Exact date batao…”

“Bhabhi 3 saal ke baad jaa rahi hu .. 2–3 mahine to baith ke aaungi na”

“Tumne to 2 mahine kaha tha.. ”

“Haan Bhabhi aa jaungi main jaldi .. mera pati to yehi hai na .. “

While the conversation sounded futile — I could sense the climax .. and my WOH-hunt paced !!

Every one of my kind (south Asian wife) has a dedicated list of WoH-contacts saved for future emergencies !!

Although half of the numbers do not exist anymore .. at-least once in 10 calls you make .. you do get connected to a resourceful contact…

“Haan ek to hai Bhabhi .. paise kitne doge?”

“main purani waali ko xxxx deti thi’

“ itane me to koi nahi karega Bhabhi .. bahut kam hai .. ”

“Achha”

“kya kya kaam karna hoga Bhabhi?”

“wahi sab .. khaana safai aur kya…”

“Bachha bhi sambhaalna hoga kya ?”

“Nahi !“

“Achha bacha nahi hai okay … Bhabhi .. koi ho to batati hu .. Wo ladki jo hai Wo to bachhe sambhalti hai na .. to koi aur ho to bata dungi”

And you hop to the next one for another round of interrogation by her highness!!

This was supposedly my last search ‘party’ before we moved out of Thailand. One contact led to the other and I found the meri-waali-WOH who has entered our personal book of records as the longest-ever-stayed-with-us-WOH!

She was one of a kind — outspoken yet gentle and caring at heart. 5 yrs were enough for her to become a part of our lives that even today none of our festivals and birthdays go without her wishes and vice versa. In fact her whole family was invested in us — from praying at the famous shrines in Burma to the Nepali-Burmese rituals for in-my-womb twins and from saving goodies for us from the care package sent over by her mom to gifting me their traditional Burmese attire!

Although a bit high-headed and extreme extrovert , being the youngest in her family, she wasn’t very much into the other WOH circles in our building yet had a strong network and we both would connect over our favourite pastime — gossip !! We were also a team when it came to food — she loved trying her hand at newer dishes while I loved tasting them ! We also owe her our knowledge and special liking for the vegetarian versions of almost all the best Thai dishes on earth! A witness and major victim of my crazy diets and workout routines, she had been with us through thick and thin. And hence I would be compelled to look over her little flaws and inertia towards my-OCD-standard-cleanliness !

It was probably 6 months in advance that she told me about visiting her mom in Burma during the festivities (- the 2nd trailer ) and convinced me that it would last only a month! It was probably her love for us that the KT to her temporary replacement lasted 2 days before she went on a break shopping and later flying out to her hometown ! And I can count her in the 0.001% WOHs who would give out their family members contact details — local as well as from Burma. Every Saturday I would receive an overseas call from her to check on me and every now and then a local one from her sister — what else do you need to call anyone your family ?

But this isn’t really the story about her — it’s about her replacement WOH!

The temporary replacement for her wasn’t any different from a normal WOH to begin with.. picture any Modern one and she could fit in the description — colourful only in her clothes!

“bhook lagi hai kuchh bana do khaane ko”

“Kya bana du?”

“Kya bana sakte ho?”

“Mujhe kaise pata hoga aapko kya pasan hai?”

“Ok .. poha bana do”

“Woh kya hota hai?”

???????#####

“Maggi aata hai?”

“Aap kaise khaate ho?”

“Normal khaate hai thoda jyada paani daalna .. hume pasand hai soupy thoda”

“Bhabhi Maggie kaunsa hota hai?”

???????######

“Matlab Indian waala mama ”

“Oh mama banana hai .. aap kya Bol rahe the?”

“Kuchh nahi (chuckle)”

10 mins later …

“ arre ye to thanda ho gaya .. aapne bataya nahi ban gaya hai”

“ Bhabhi table pe to rakh diya tha .. aap kab bahar aaoge mujhe kaise pata hoga?”

“Ok … garam kar do plz” ..this time I dare not leave the dining table !

But she was back to her room like she did every now and then — after every small or big stint in the kitchen — after opening or closing the door — — or after not-so-welcoming answer the door for our guests!

“Bhabhi aapne nahi bola to Main kaise aajau pani leke bahar? .. mujhe kaise pata hoga unhe kya chahiye? .. aap bataoge to main aaungi na”

????####

Her room was a perfect reflection of herself .. nothing moved at all without an external force .. and at times I so wanted to be that external force but then it wasn’t probably her fault “use kaise pata hoga na ki mujhe room gandi pasand nahi hai” right?

“ Aap pochha roz lagate ho na?”

“Haan Bhabhi”

“ Yaha Dekho light ke reflection me .. kitne gande pair ke Nishan hai?”

“ Bhabhi sirf Aaj hi nahi lagaya!!!”

????####

And I wondered would I get the same answer for

“Aap roz nahate ho na?” 🤪🤪

But I am sure our incessant Q&A sessions were equally irritating for her that she was counting days for her month-long exile to end !

“ ye upma aur chai to poori thandi ho gayi hai .. jaldi bana Di thi kya ?”

“ xxxx ne to bola tha aap 7 baje breakfast karte ho isliye Maine 7 baje table pe rakh diya tha sab lake .. lekin aap to abhi uthe ho.. “

“Ohh okkk sorry about that !” .. yes I had to .. there were still quiet a lot of days to go !

Well my (original) WOH wasn’t only making overseas calls now .. but was receiving them too .. and not from me..

Apparent as was from my temporary WOH’s face … the calls would detail “how she (the original WoH) was wrong about her employers — and that in reality they were very authoritative and short tempered — not just the Bhabhi but Bhaiyya too ! “

In all this, while my (original) WOH had already earned a lot of WOH-life

Trust — from us and our friends ;

fans — who would offer her instant work and pay upgrades while she would be seen buying/carrying bags of fruits/grocery every week ;

And well wishers — “ xxxx kitna bada ghar me shift ho gaye ho .. teri Bhabhi ne paise badhaye ki nahi?” in the years she had worked with us

… she now had a new admirer too who was desperately waiting for her to return — way more than me !!


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